Thursday, 12 July 2012

My Lessons In Sobriety

As a grateful new writer, I would like to share my experience in sobriety with you.  When I first came to recovery, I was a failed suicide attempt and a wreck.  I had just undergone emergency surgery and while I was recovering, I had time to take stock of my life.  I knew I had to do something to stop my drinking or surely I would be doomed to either death or insanity?
At my first AA meeting, I related to the desperation of the newcomers who shared and I wanted what the old timers had to say.  Hope kept me coming back for more.  I am truly grateful to have had a wonderful sponsor who encouraged me through the steps and pushed me to get them done timeously.  I accepted my fate of alcoholism and unmanageability and I became willing to believe in a higher power.  Step 4 took me on a journey through all the fears resentments and harms done in my past.  I came to realize that perhaps I was a part of my own self destruction.  I had not seen my character defects which had been buried in my alcoholic thinking and subsequent irrational behavior.  The harsh reality hit me that all those people that I had blamed for my problems were perhaps only doing the best that they could under the circumstances.  I believe that real amends are made in time by staying on the road to recovery.  The smiles and hugs from my kids today is the greatest reward I could ever achieve.  And somewhere along this roller coaster journey, the desire to drink was lifted.  This surely was divine intervention for no human power had been successful before.
Recovery never ends – it is constant work.  I know that I need to change my thinking and actions in order to succeed:
Should resentments surface - I must turn them into love tolerance and patience;
With fear - I have to ask God to help me find the courage to do the things I can;
I have to always be honest with myself and everyone around me;
I must put any pride aside and stay humble;
When in doubt I must use the serenity prayer;
Live just for today, one day at a time;
And most of all I must forgive myself as I forgive those who trespass against me.
My goal is to pay it forward and be the best writer and sponsor that I can be.  I am finally feeling secure in my sobriety but I must never get over confident and I have to remember where I come from.  I always try to keep a little window open to my past to remind me of that.  I never ever want to go back there again. 
The words of Dr. David Stewart from his book "Thirst for freedom" perhaps say it all:
"Few people realize that sobriety is an action of insights and skills far beyond mere abstinence. Sobriety is a creative discipline in the art of freedom of growth and of love.  To be your self is to become yourself."

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing that Sara. Like your blog, the look and the content.