Acceptance

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes”.

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (page 449)

Lately I have become frustrated with life and uncomfortable in my own skin.  After 2 years of clean and sober, I still have a couple of ungrateful clients who cannot pay their taxes, let alone pay me.  I am still living with a partner who drinks every day and accuses me of being lazy and useless and the fact that I am the cause of escalating household bills and his daily pub visits.  Sometimes I feel I should change my resume to EMPLOY ME – I am honest and hardworking and really good at what I do.  I want to shout from the hill tops LOVE ME – I really am a good person trying to find my place in this lousy world. 

Then I say the serenity prayer and remind myself that I have to accept the people and things I cannot change, find the courage to accept the person I can change and have the wisdom to know that that is ME.  Then I remember all the good that comes with negative situations.  I have a roof over my head and a computer to work.  I have a family that supports me.  I have two wonderful kids who love me despite the fact that I was a lousy mother at times in my alcoholic induced days.  I still have my mother who bails me out in the worst economic situations when I should be looking after her.  My dad, may he rest in peace, would be proud of me for my new found sobriety.  I have my writing which I am starting to pursue as a career on line.  These things make me truly grateful and remind me there are people far worse off in their lives than me.

Perhaps I am trying to run before I can crawl.  After all I am only one drink away from losing everything.  I am still an alcoholic and always will be.  I have to remind myself to live one day at a time and do and be the best I can just for 24 hours.  I will not regret the past for that has bought me to where I am today.  With all my flaws and character defects, I have a program that gives me the tools to live and grow spiritually.  Maybe the purpose of my life now is to reach out and be a candle to those in the darkness of addiction.  What I have received so freely from others to get me where I am today, I have to give away.  The more I give of myself, the more the universe will give back to me.  So today I start loving and forgiving myself in order to show others compassion, kindness and acceptance of who they really are.

Whatever is going on in my life right now may not seem perfect but it is just the way it is meant to be.  Acceptance is the key to my happiness and serenity.  And most of all, I am not alone.