Compassion For The Elderly

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened”

Jennifer Yane

As the job hunting has been totally unfruitful, one of my options for earning money is to go over to London and do a course on Care Giving for the elderly.  Once you have passed the exam with over 80%, cannot be too hard, the agency finds you a position with a family.  It is very well paid but friends and family have asked me if I could cope doing this kind of work.  I do tend to be empathetic so, as long as I can keep my boundaries and not get emotionally involved, I am sure I would be fine.  I realise now that it may not be so easy ……

I came across this story on Facebook the other day which emphasizes the insensitivity towards the elderly. It also teaches us that although they can be difficult and tend to not communicate, they are still human and have feelings like us all.  It makes me wonder how many times we presume that an elderly person has Alzeimers or are senile when in fact they are mourning their past, are full of fear for what future they have left and do not know how to express their feelings.

When an old man died in the geriatric ward of a nursing home in North Platte, Nebraska , it was believed that he had nothing left of any value.  Later, when the nurses were going through his meagre possessions, they found this poem. Its quality and content so impressed the staff that copies were made and distributed to every nurse in the hospital.  One nurse took her copy to Missouri .

The old man's sole bequest to posterity has since appeared in the Christmas edition of the News Magazine of the St. Louis Association for Mental Health.  A slide presentation has also been made based on his simple, but eloquent, poem.

And this little old man, with nothing left to give to the world, is now the author of this 'anonymous' poem winging across the Internet…….

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . . .. . What do you see?

What are you thinking . . . . . When you're looking at me?

A crabby old man . . . . . Not very wise,

Uncertain of habit . . . . . With faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . And makes no reply.

When you say in a loud voice . . . . . 'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice . . . . . The things that you do.

And forever is losing . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . .. Lets you do as you will,

With bathing and feeding . . . . . The long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking? . . . . . Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . . You're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am. . . . . . As I sit here so still,

As I do at your bidding, . . . . . As I eat at your will.

I'm a small child of Ten . .. . . . With a father and mother,

Brothers and sisters . . . . . Who love one another.

A young boy of Sixteen . . . . With wings on his feet..

Dreaming that soon now . . . . . A lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty . . . . . My heart gives a leap.

Remembering, the vows . . . . .. That I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . I have young of my own.

Who need me to guide . . . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . . . . . My young now grown fast,

Bound to each other . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . . . . Have grown and are gone,

But my woman's beside me . . . . . To see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more, babies play 'round my knee,

Again, we know children . . . .. . My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me . . . . . My wife is now dead.

I look at the future . . . . . Shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing . . . . . Young of their own.

And I think of the years . . . . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . And nature is cruel.

Tis jest to make old age . . . .. . Look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles . . . . . Grace and vigor, depart.

There is now a stone . .. . . Where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . . . . A young guy still dwells,

And now and again . . . . . My battered heart swells.

I remember the joys . . . . . I remember the pain.

And I'm loving and living . . . .. . Life over again.

I think of the years, all too few . . . . . Gone too fast.

And accept the stark fact . . . . That nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people . . . . . Open and see.

Not a crabby old man . . . Look closer . . . See ME!!

Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within.  We will all, one day, be there, too!

PLEASE SHARE THIS POEM

The best and most beautiful things of this world cannot be seen or touched.  They must be felt by the heart.

“Never lose sight of the fact that old age needs so little but needs that little so much”

Margaret Willour

When Amends Are Not Enough

“Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation”

Roberto Assagioli

  

Perhaps the hardest part of the 12 step process of recovery is making amends to those you have hurt.  When I examined my past and came up with a list of resentments and fears that were holding me back in my recovery, I examined each area where I had been either selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and inconsiderate and without intention I had caused others to feel

angry or unloved:

·         I had played the victim and blamed others for my actions

·         I had loved too deeply and been resentfully disappointed

·         I had lied and been deceitful to cover up my addictive behaviour

·         I had pushed loved ones aside when it suited my addictive habits

And so we make our amends to the best of our ability and promise to try our best on our road to recovery.  But with so many unbroken promises from the past, we have to accept that only time and a living amends may heal the past. I still get things thrown in my face which hurt but I have to accept and forgive, because I have no idea how much hurt I have done to my kids, my family and my friends and others  I still hear:

·         You are useless and a nobody

·         You will never get a job or be successful

·         Past mistakes and misfortunes

·         Resentments and disappointments

So we hold our head up high and take each day by day and show tolerance, unconditional love and forgiveness.  We do it, not just forgiveness of others, but to forgive ourselves, to heal, to put the past behind us and move on.

I would like to share a poem by Veronica A. Shoffstall – truly awesome:

“After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't always promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way

of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn

that you really can endure,

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn and you learn

With every good-bye you learn”

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love? How deeply did you learn to let go?”

The Buddha

Happy New Year 2013

“Another fresh new year is here . . .

Another year to live!

To banish worry, doubt, and fear,

To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me

To live each day with zest . . .

To daily grow and try to be

My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity

Once more to right some wrongs,

To pray for peace, to plant a tree,

And sing more joyful songs!”

William Arthur Ward

It has just turned 12 midnight on the 31^st December 2012 so by the time I post this it will be 2013.

When I look back on 2012, it was not an easy year – but with every challenge comes opportunity. 

Career challenges:

·         Wound down my accounting practice in the hopes of getting a full time job.

·         Started my blog.

·         Completed two blog challenges.

·         Signed up for every webinar I could on internet marketing.

Lessons learned:

·         I am too old to be employed!

·         I can write.

·         Blogging is a great way to make new friends and acquaintances.

·         Information overload just leads to confusion!

Personal challenges:

·         Daily work on my recovery.

·         Improving my spiritual awareness.

·         Letting go of limiting beliefs.

·         Living life on life’s terms.

Lessons learned:

·         Helping others makes it easier to help myself.

·         Follow motivating and spiritually minded people.

·         Make peace with the past and live for the moment.

·         Acceptance, forgiveness and unconditional love.

So what is in store for 2013?

I do not believe in New Years’ Resolutions - life is too short to live with regrets.

I do not believe in long term goals – I live life one day at a time.

But I do believe in dreams and inspiring yourself to do your best in all circumstances.

This is a must see:

Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch (Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008) gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium.  In his moving presentation, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

Pausch was included in TIME Magazine's 2008 list of the world's 100 most influential people. His book, "The Last Lecture," co-written by Jeff Zaslow of the Wall Street Journal and based on Pausch's now-famous talk "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," is a New York Times #1 bestseller.

Professor Randy Pausch made a surprise return to Carnegie Mellon University to deliver an inspirational speech to the Class of 2008 at the Commencement ceremony on May 18, 2008.

“Many things are thrown our way in this game of life. It's how you deal with them that shows your true character. I want all of you to feel the hope, love & passion I feel for the upcoming year & the rest of my life. I want ALL of you to not only go for your dreams, but have a damn ass good time doing it!

May Water

Marci Shimoff on Happiness

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”

Mahatma Gandhi

With book sales of more than 14 million copies worldwide in 31 languages, Marci Shimoff is one of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time. This is the latest breakthrough from this New York Times best-selling author, world-renowned transformational expert, author of Love for No Reason, Happy for No Reason, co-author of six Chicken Soup For The Woman’s Soul series, and featured teacher in the film The Secret.  I listened to an interview with her and would like to highlight some of her answers to questions on happiness.

Why are people interested in happiness?

Most people are unhappy and as a society in general unhappiness is an epidemic.  One out of five women in the USA is on anti-depressants.  For the first time in history, science has cracked the happiness code – we now have answers to fill that need.  The most important piece of research is we all have a set point and it means whatever happens to us, good or bad, our happiness will hover around that setting.  How do you determine your set point?  50% is genetic, in your DNA, which you are born with, 10% is from your outside circumstances which most of us focus our attention on and the other 40% is from your habits of thoughts and behaviour.   This 40% is where we can raise our happiness levels.

Why happy for no reason?

It doesn’t mean that you walk around all day with a silly grin on your face.  It is having an inner state of peace and well- being which does not depend on your external circumstances.  Bring happiness to the experiences we have in life rather than try and extract happiness from those experiences.  It is called unconditional happiness.  If we base our happiness on our circumstances than we will never be free.

Happiness habits

·         Take full responsibility of your happiness.  Firstly start looking at things that happen to us a little differently.  Even though things may not go your way all the time, we live in a friendly Universe which is on your side.  So rather than feeling like a victim of life, ask yourself the question:  If this was happening for a higher purpose, what would that be?

·         The pillar of the mind.  Don’t believe everything you think.  We tend to remember the negative far more than the positive.  Happy people have made it a habit to really register the positive.  Firstly, because it takes longer to register the positive, you have to notice it and register it for at least 20 seconds.  Keeping a gratitude journal each day helps this.  Secondly, remember the 5:1 rule – if you can have a ratio of 5 positives to 1 negative in what you say to yourself that will strengthen your neuro pathways to better happiness.  Thirdly, really savour the good.  This is not just noticing the good things happening but really allowing them to take a hold in your body.   Happiness is a neuro physiological event, not just something in the mind.

·         The pillar of the heart.  We tend to live in a brain orientated culture but the happiest of people live from their hearts – they experience love, passion, care and they let their hearts lead the way.  When you are feeling stressed out or angry for just 5 minutes, it will suppress your immune system for up to 6 hours but when you are feeling love, happiness and compassion for just 5 minutes, it will strengthen your immune system for up to 6 hours.

Marci suggests a practice that she learned from the Institute of Heartmath, a group which I happen to follow. 

The Inner Ease Technique moves you from what science calls the stress response into the love response, a place where you will be strengthening your immune system:

Close your eyes.

Place the palm of your hand over your heart starts the flow of oxytocin.

Imagine that you are breathing in and out through the centre of your heart.

On each inhale imagine that you are breathing in love, ease and compassion.

Exhale normally, repeat for 5 minutes.

Open your eyes.

Do it 2 to 3 times a day for the next two weeks – you can do it anywhere – and see how you feel.

·         Forgiveness.  We cannot really be living in happiness when we are holding onto anger, resentments and grudges.  You don’t forgive for the sake of the other person – you forgive for your own sake.

Marci shares her favourite forgiveness practice which is so simple.  The technique is called Ho'oponopono.  Say 4 phrases silently in your heart, wishing them toward the person that you have had a hard time forgiving:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

I love you

Just feel it in your own heart and this shifts your energy.   When your energy starts to shift, miracles start to happen.

I suggest you visit Marci’s website and do the happiness quiz just out of interest.  While you are there you can have a look at all the free offers, wonderful articles and books she has to offer:

Marci Shimoff - Happy for No Reason

One question she is always asked is:  Is it selfish to want to be happy when the world is full of people suffering?  Her answer comes from an ancient Chinese saying:

"If there is light in the soul,

There will be beauty in the person.

If there is beauty in the person,

There will be harmony in the house.

If there is harmony in the house,

There will be order in the nation.

If there is order in the nation,

There will be peace in the world."

What Did I Learn from Oprah?

“A little change can make a world of difference …

like wearing your hair au natural as I am this month.

I love it”

Oprah Winfrey

The quotation stared out at me on the cover page of the latest Oprah magazine.  Despite the hair, of which mine needs a colour desperately, change is what my blog is all about!  More change on the cover and some topics I blog on:

Live your best life

How to transform your …. Home, Attitude, Health, Beauty regime, Exercise routine, Finances, Relationships

How to grab a second chance at happiness

So despite the fact that it came with a free little journal – I guess I picked the right magazine!

Glancing through the pages, there are a lot of colourful pictures, mostly adverts and fashion, on glossy paper. Scattered in between these are a few articles, book reviews, “how to” posts, an interview with Lady Gaga, home and furniture décor, food and recipes.  Thank goodness for the contents page or I would never have found what I wanted to read!

When I looked back at the cover I saw a small block with the words “The Makeover Issue”.  That explains all the fashion and beauty pages.  Would I buy the magazine again – probably yes if a great article caught my attention.  Would I subscribe to it – definitely no as the majority of the magazine is of no interest to me.  I do get emails from Oprah where I have chosen the topics that I would like to receive.  That is far easier to extract valuable information from then the printed magazine.

What did I learn from the magazine that could improve my blog?

·         An elevator pitch is so important so as not to mislead the reader.

·         Too many pictures fill gaps but do not provide information.

·         Sticking to a few topics in one niche will attract the right reader.

·         It is so important to label your articles and have a list of keywords on the blog.

·         Headlines will catch a readers’ attention if you use the correct words.

·         The layout or design of a blog is important so as not to clutter the pages.

·         Inviting other bloggers to do guest posts within the same niche enhances variety.

Forbes 400 magazine

While we are on the subject of Oprah Winfrey, there is an article in the current issue of Forbes online magazine:

The Education of Oprah Winfrey: How She Saved Her South African School

As a South African, I had heard about the school but had no idea where it was situated and what real life lessons were learned by Oprah in the last five years.  To sum it up:

·         The school wasn’t exactly popular in Henley-on-Klip with 150 black girls in an all-white area.

·         Why was Winfrey spending $40 million on one school when she could build a bunch for that price?

·         Soon after it opened five years ago, Winfrey’s school was the subject of a sex abuse scandal that reached international scope - a group of girls had come forward alleging that a 27-year-old dorm parent had been molesting them.

·         In the ensuing months and years, seven girls were suspended for “inappropriate behavior” that included sexually harassing classmates, and the body of a dead baby boy was found in a 17-year-old student’s schoolbag.

·         Communication was an issue: The 152 12- and 13-year-old girls, hand-picked by Winfrey herself from an application pool of 3,500, came from all nine South African provinces, speaking all 11 of the country’s official mother tongues – English being the weakest.

·         Winfrey jumped on a plane, wracked with guilt and worry. “By the time a girl gets to my school, normally she’s suffered on average six major life traumas,” Winfrey says. “They’ve lost a parent or both parents. Multiple accidents, death in your family, AIDS, rape, sexual molestation, all of it. Unimaginable things have happened.” Every year a handful of incoming students are diagnosed by the school’s on-campus team of psychologists and social workers as having post-traumatic stress disorder simply from living their everyday lives. Now it appeared to be happening on her watch.

·         Winfrey quickly fired the alleged child abuser–who was later acquitted in a South African court – plus every other residential staffer and the school’s head.

·         To add insult to injury, the former head sued Winfrey for defamation in 2008 for implying she was, per legal filings: “untrustworthy, failed the students of the academy, did not care about the students at the academy, knew of alleged physical and sexual abuse at the academy and participated in a cover-up of the alleged abuse.” The case was resolved only in 2010, when they settled for an undisclosed amount.

·         But Winfrey, rather than chalk up her school as a costly life lesson, quietly redoubled her efforts to make it work.

·         That rebirth started in earnest in 2010 with the hiring of van Zyl, tall and no-nonsense, the descendant of an Anglican minister who immigrated to Malawi. Van Zyl had the pedigree and the guts: She led the integration of Pretoria High School for Girls, the first all-white school in the region to accept black students as the veil of apartheid lifted.

Oprah considers building the school, without community buy-in, another one of her early mistakes.  She has also built two public schools at a cost of just over $3 million each as a model for the South African government to show what is possible for well under a $40 million price tag. When the school day ends at one of those pilot schools, the campus hosts adult education classes.

For new students, achieving their benefactor’s expectations – she tells them all she expects them to go to college and will in fact pay for it – she starts by drumming out the cultural assumption that women don’t have to study since they’ll just get married and have kids anyway.

In July the school’s “magnificent seven” U.S.- bound girls spent two weeks on the Boston College campus. Winfrey organized an assimilation program for them.

“Being able to see in human form those girls blossom into who you knew they could be, there’s really nothing like that for me,” she says. “You can see over and over again the possibility of your own self being lived out in somebody else’s life.” Winfrey begins this next chapter armed with five years of tough lessons and the knowledge that, as she puts it, “If you can do it in South Africa, you can do it anywhere.”

“If you allow your past to define you,

you’ll never get to live the life you were meant to live”

Oprah

A Virus In The Challenge?

“With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable”

Thomas Foxwell Buxton

OUTSTANDING TASKS FROM MY LAST POST:

Day 8  

Set up Twitter alert

The Twitter alert still is not working but a few of the bloggers in the challenge are having the same problem.  Steve Eason from Ingenious Internet Income posted about Twitter – so I asked him if he could write an article about setting this up.

Day 9

Write an opinion post

This has been done – my opinion on a post written by another blogger. Achoo!

Day 12

Check the mobility on a cell phone

I checked this on my Blackberry and no problems. 

Day 13

Check the profile links again

I had link problems to my profile but since then I removed it and have replaced it with my Ezine Article profile.  I ran brokenlinkchecker again and it came up with the same results as my last article (achoo) - I presume it is picking this up from the article itself – so I am quite happy.

CONTINUING ………..

Day 14

Put a reader in the spotlight

I sent Retha Groenewald a bunch of questions to answer about her blog and her new book she has written as we are the only two bloggers in the challenge from South Africa –it was great fun and I would like to do it again sometime.   Achoo!

Day 15

Write a link post

I included links for the first time in my post on Day 14 – so easy – why did I not know how to do this before – I guess that is what the challenge is about!

Day 16

Develop a plan to boost your blog’s profile and readership online

I started work this week so I have to be careful with where I spend my time in building up my readership.  These are the points I have noted:

Most of my readers, besides the blog challenge, are in forums and on addiction sites which I have been a member of long before the challenge but do not spend enough time on these getting involved and leaving my blog’s url as a link.

To keep my readers interested in my blog, I have to write more regular posts on my topics.  This will change after the challenge and if I sign up for the Ultimate Blog Challenge in October.

It must pick out the blogs that suit my theme and stick to following them only.

Day 17

Promote a blog post

I had been a member of Ezine Articles before I started my blog.  So I have submitted a couple of newer posts for review and will continue to do so if they meet the requirements of the Ezine Articles regulations – basically keyword optimised and very little external content.

I also promoted two posts of other bloggers in the challenge with my article on “September is recovery month”, highlighting Wold Suicide Day and 9/11.  Achoo!

Day 18

Analyze a top blog in your niche

I do not know of any personal blogs in my niche so I analysed an article from a blogger on the addictions website “The Fix”.  Achoo!

Day 19

Ask a question

I covered this with my blog post for Day 14 – interviewing a blogger!

Day 20

Take a trip to the mall and improve your blog

Although the country is in an economic mess, people still have money – but the majority of the people are buying necessities such as groceries.  Most of them go for the specials advertised to save money.  There are still others that buy clothes and electronics and payment with a credit card seems to be the norm in these shops.  The parking lot is made up of all ranges of vehicles but most of them occupying the cheaper outside parking rather than the undercover.

One thing I did notice in our mall is there is a map of where all the shops are, divided up into the types of shops.  So I decided to put up labels on my blog and tag the posts accordingly – this gives the reader an idea of what they would like to read about.

Day 21

Solve a reader’s problem

Most of the problems the bloggers ask about has to do with technical difficulties – including me!   I did suggest a poem for Alan Miles for his picture and I did try and give some advice to Keith Addison who was having a difficult time – these were all done in the comments sections of their posts.  Otherwise I try to read most of the posts on a daily basis and will make suggestions where I can.

Day 22

Say “Hey” to a blog reader / Email a blog reader

I have noticed that not many people are posting at the moment but where I can, I leave a comment on their post if I feel I am qualified enough to do so in their niche.  Otherwise I do communicate often on the Facebook page with other bloggers and try to encourage them.  I so this on the other Facebook page, The Ultimate Blog Challenge, too as they are still my readers – I hope!

Retha Groenewald also asked me to answer some questions for a guest post – so that was great fun and I thank her very much.

Day 23 

Leave comments on other blogs

This has been covered in Day 22.  I read a blog post that I did not agree with, no names mentioned, and I did write my opinion post in Day 9 in response to this. The blogger in question left a long comment on my post – clearly she was not ready to take any suggestions!  Achoo!

Day 27

Create a sneeze page for your blog

Well this is it hahaha!  I have been sneezing all over the place – great idea too!

OUTSTANDING TASKS:

Day 24 – Advice columnist for a day

Day 25 – That’s not our policy

Day 26 – Look over their shoulder

A wee bit behind!

And one more week to go!

“Never, never, never give up!”

Winston Churchill