Perception: How Do You View The World?

“Anybody who's ever gone through a hard time - any outsider's perception, no matter how much information they're given, they have no idea what the person's life is like”

Amy Grant

Let us look at the definition of Perception:

1.  The act of perceiving; cognizance by the senses or intellect; apprehension by the bodily organs, or by the mind, of what is presented to them; discernment; apprehension; cognition.

2.  The faculty of perceiving; the faculty, or peculiar part, of man's constitution by which he has knowledge through the medium or instrumentality of the bodily organs; the act of apprehending material objects or qualities through the senses; -- distinguished from conception.

3.  The quality, state, or capability, of being affected by something external; sensation; sensibility.

4.  An idea; a notion.

2012 was a long year full of fearful predictions but we have made it through the holidays, the end of the Mayan calendar and the world has not come to an end.  Most of us have started or already set some goals or intentions for 2013 but these probably all focus on external materialistic things.  Depending on our perception of this crazy world, our plans may be sourced in fear and ego.  The ego is tricky and it's easy to end up letting it be the one who creates our vision board or goals for the year ahead, setting us up for disappointments and a sense of failure.

Direct Perception Checking is a three step process (Floyd, 2009):

a.    Acknowledging the behaviour you witnessed

b.    Interpreting that behaviour

c.    Asking whether your interpretation was correct

IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?

Depending on the source of our perception, we will interpret life in different ways.  The definition above refers to the normal five senses:  Touch, Sight, Hearing, Smell and Taste.  It also refers to bodily organs including the mind.  The mind can play tricks on us but when we start feeling from the heart, really feeling from the heart, our visions and interpretations can change for the better.  The heart is the source of love, happiness and gratitude.

Jafree Oswald of Enlightened Beings gave me some great advice when it comes to being positive:

“When you are positive about everything in your life, something magical happens. Everything good seems to effortlessly flow your way and people just love hanging around you. People in your presence smile and laugh more, which makes you feel even better inside about being alive. Being positive is more important than you think. It's the foundation of your very survival. If you could only think a stream of negative thoughts for the next few weeks, you might start believing suicide is the only viable option. Once you learn how to find the good within the bad, you'll easily manifest a continual flow of success wherever you go.

Life contains both polarities of nature, the deep and dark as well as the light bright, and everything between the two. The dark always contains the light, and the light always contains the dark. Just like the eastern Yin-Yang symbol. They co-exist as complementary energies that cannot exist separately. This melting light/dark energy is found in the fabric and matrix of every atom in our Universe. When you remember this, you'll know that somewhere inside the negative you can find a seed of something positive. You just have to get out your microscope and look more closely at the situation with a creative mind and an open heart.

The greatest advice I've ever received for being unstoppably positive about life is the thought that "anything is possible". This one little concept has allowed my mind to continuously open, even after it became momentarily closed. Believe it or not, it is possible to be positive about everything that happens to you in life. There is always something to be learned from each situation, person and circumstance no matter how challenging it may be. Being consistently positive is simply a choice that you make in each moment. It's a creative choice where you decide that you are 100% devoted to finding some possible way to enjoy this experience. Finding positivity in everything stems FROM believing in the impossible. You start realizing that you're living in an infinite Universe that has no boundary to it, thus there is no boundary to your mind or imagination. How would you view your life differently this week if you knew without a doubt that anything and everything was possible?

I'd like to give you a little exercise that will help you find the power to be positive about everything. Right now, focus your attention on your heart. What emotions and sensations do you notice are going on in there? Allow the energy around and inside your heart to soften and relax until you feel your mind follows along, and becomes more relaxed and quiet with it. Breathe slowly and deeply, focusing only on your heart relaxing. Do this for 5-10 minutes and enjoy the process of relaxing and letting go. Just explore the experience of relaxing your heart. You'll soon notice as your heart relaxes, it feels like there is more space for you to think positive thoughts about your life.

The mind is like a parachute, when it opens up it will save your life. With an open mind you don't have to try so hard to only think positive thoughts. You can allow for any life experience to show up and simply open your mind to seeing the positive come out of it. It is a constant moment to moment choice to have an open positive mind. If you can just choose to have an open mind, you'll be able to manifest anything and everything you want in life. If the mind is impatient and continues to stay closed and will not open, embrace it with curiosity. The more doubt, disbelief, and resistance you have, the greater the transformation will be! If you can maintain an open mind and a relaxed heart for the next 30 days of your life, an orgasmic experience of constant bliss will be awaiting you. That is something to look forward to!!”

I do not normally say affirmations but here is one that can truly change your perception of life:

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself:  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I can choose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

“Miracles happen every day, change your perception of what a miracle is and you'll see them all around you”

Jon Bon Jovi

Our quest for happiness

 “Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions”  

Dalai Lama

We are all ultimately on a quest for happiness.  Every decision we take, even subconsciously, is towards happiness and away from pain. When we find happiness, we find our freedom and everything in our lives falls into place.

Perhaps we should ask ourselves why we are not happy if we feel subdued.  The answers for each person will be different but if the answer is money we are on the wrong track – happiness cannot be bought, earned, owned or consumed.  Make a list of things that make you happy and then increase that list from time to time.  There are certain blocks on our mission to happiness that we may need to overcome:

Self-pity

Some people feel that life has been unfair to them – difficult parents, an unadvantaged upbringing or any other obstacle they feel has held them back in their growth.  They may play the role of victim portraying hopelessness.  Well life sometimes is unfair and things do go wrong but we need to recognize that feeling sorry for ourselves does not have to be permanent.  There is a time to recognize self-pity, take control of the feelings and move forward.                                                              

Ungratefulness        

We may lose loved ones or our jobs or our possessions during our lives.  Sadness and grief is human nature but time changes things.  In times of trial, gratitude can lift us out of our despair.  We become so used to the simple things in life like a roof over our heads and food to eat that we take them for granted. Sometimes it is good to write down what we have to be thankful for.  If we start appreciating all the good things around us, we start to show an attitude of gratitude and feel a lot happier within ourselves.

Unrealistic goals

It is a good practice to make goals within our reach but pressures from peers or social demands can make us be unrealistic.  The more money we make and the higher up the social ladder we climb, the more we expect of ourselves.  Life can become overwhelming if we set our standards too high.  Happiness is only achieved now in the present moment.  Making long term goals for materialistic things does not take into account our happiness. It is more important to do whatever it takes to be happy right now. So take each day as if comes and start living in the moment.         

Procrastination                          

Often we have turned down opportunities or invitations because we are not in the mood or do not want to get out of our comfort zone.  We need to start saying “Yes” more and open up to the flow of life.  Whatever emotion is holding us back from taking a simple walk to attending a work function, we need to acknowledge it and say “Yes”.  If we ever feel stuck in a rut, start saying “Yes” to more in life – do it for just one week and see what a difference it makes. 

Intention

Have you ever woken up and said to yourself “Today is going to be a lousy day?”  The chances are it will be.  Your intention sets your direction.  Rather ask yourself “What is my intention for today?”  If you change your beliefs about certain things, life will become much clearer and easier. If you need to write an article for example, make it your intention that it will be a good one – the chances are you will get it done quicker and it will be good.  A positive belief system and good intentions is sometimes more powerful than the law of attraction and much simpler.  It is a good starting point regardless to get on the right path to happiness and self-fulfillment. 

Holding onto the past

We often have mental blockages from the past.  We have to let go of feelings we have become attached to which no longer serve us now.  We are not our emotions – fear, resentment or anger is an energy that passes through us and not part of what we are.  Once we let go of past negative emotions, we can then learn to let them go on demand.  Accept the past, learn from it and resign ourselves to stop worrying about it.  Make a conscious decision to move forward and become more positive.  Happiness will follow.

“When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else”  

Joseph Campbell

Energy Vibrations

"You are a living magnet and you attract into your life the people and the circumstances that are in harmony with your dominant thoughts”  Brian Tracy

When “The Secret” came out, I bought the book and the video.  I had heard of the Law of Attraction before, but Rhonda Byrne and the contributors made a worldwide awareness of how it can work for all of us.  Unfortunately a few people interpreted it as, for example, asking the Universe for a new car or a new house and “bang” it would just appear from the heavens.  When this did not happen, it caused a bit of an outcry as to whether this was just another way of selling a theory to make money that did not work.

Let us look at the definition of the Law of Attraction:

The Law of Attraction refers to the philosophy that likes attract likes and that the energy we release to the Universe is the same energy we attract to our lives.

In recovery we need to change our thoughts and actions to become the person we were meant to be.  Everything is made out of energy – all materialistic things like cars and houses, but also our thoughts.  This has been scientifically proven with quantum physics.  We do not need to concentrate on the materialistic things, but more on ourselves and our feelings and reactions to find true harmony in our lives.

“Power versus Force” is a book written by Dr. David Hawkins.  He created a scale ranging from 1 to 1000 called the Calibrated Scale of Consciousness, by testing the consciousness of people around the world using muscle testing.  In short, the following scale is an idea:

BELOW 500	ABOVE 500
Shame	Love
Guilt	Joy
Fear	Peace
Anger	Gratitude

As we can see, negative emotions are at a low conscious level and have a low energy vibration and positive emotions are at a high conscious level and have a high energy vibration.  When we are depressed or suffering from a disease such as substance abuse, our emotions are generally at a low level and we need to raise these to turn our lives around.  Here are some of the things you can do:                                          

Choose your friends carefully

Try hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself.  If friends keep remarking how useless or incapable you are, it makes you feel unworthy.  Negativity is contagious. When friends are willing to support you and make an effort to raise your spirits, you start feeling better and more positive about yourself.   Oprah said “Be responsible for the energy you bring into a room”.  How you feel effects the people round you – your children, your partner, your work colleagues and your friends.                                               

Let go of the past

When you hold onto a negative past it is like dragging around a ball and chain everywhere you go.  Let go of the ball.  If you have resentments towards certain people for something that has happened in the past, it is now only in your mind.  Forgive others because the only person you are hurting by not forgiving is yourself.  Your time is right now in the present moment so allowing past experiences have power over your mind is generating negative energy.

Generate love

Hurt people, hurt people. Try not to get sucked into arguments – you are allowing others to rent space in your mind.  You are in control of how you react to others in any given moment and no one can make you angry unless you let words upset you.  Remember that whenever someone carries resentment towards you, it is because they are identifying with the illusion of themselves. Of course the opposite also applies, so show love and compassion for those who do not understand you rather than harboring grudges.

Keep an attitude of gratitude

It doesn’t matter how badly we feel, there is always something to feel grateful for.  Count your blessings and it will raise your energy levels to be more positive.  When you are grateful you attract greater things into your life and fear diminishes.

Connect to your Higher Self

One of the best ways to do this is with meditation.  Take some time each day, if only 15 minutes, and find a quiet place on your own and meditate.  This is how we tap into our intuition and gain clarity.  Whether it is listening to soothing music, brainwave entrainment, mantras or just silence – we find answers to our problems and the solutions to turn things around for us.  It is in these times that we are at peace with ourselves, attract tranquility and feel serenity.

Get off that pity pot

   “If you don’t like something, change it.   If you can’t change it,

change your attitude.”   Maya Angelou

It has been one of those days.  I really could have stayed in bed this morning and slept this flu away but I was woken up by the dogs barking and the sound of lawnmowers – garden service day, oh no!  So I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and decided to go to the pharmacy.

Now being an alcoholic and buying over the counter medication is another story.  You have to check for no alcohol in the cough mixture and no codeine in the tablets.  Then when she hands you the medicine and you spend hours checking all the ingredients, more than likely you have to complain that one of them is addictive.  So, putting up with strange glances from the people in the queue behind you, you have to explain why you cannot take it!

Back home with the little energy left and the dogs still yapping at the mowers, I proceeded to do the housework.  My thoughts went back to the old days when a hot toddy with a large dash of brandy in it was the best cure for colds and the little bottles of Swedish herbs all preserved in an even larger dose of alcohol was the cure for stomach ailments.  Then I start going down that dreaded path of self-pity and questioning why this all had to happen to me, me, me!

When the mowers had finished and the dogs settled down and I can hear, I sit down at the computer and through bleary eyes start reading my emails.  I keep reminding myself that I need to write two articles today but I put that off.  Then I start thinking about what I am going to say when the boss comes home and asks the same question he always does “So what have you done today – made any money?”  Gosh that puts me into even more of a mood and I think either I am going to scream back at him “Made the beds, washed the dishes, cleaned the house, picked up your dirty laundry, made your supper and no I didn’t make money” or casually ignore him and burst into tears.  I can’t say I am not feeling well because us females are just expected to carry on regardless remember?     

Then this picture catches my eye.  I start to realize how pathetic and ungrateful I have been all day.  I have a roof over my head, I have a bed to make, I have dishes to wash, I have clothes to launder, I have a computer and a car - and there are so many people out there in this world with nothing.  It is okay to feel poorly but get over it.  

Sometimes we let our attitudes get the better of us and we need to realize that the world does not just revolve around us. Feelings are only a reaction to our thoughts.  Thoughts can be changed and so in turn reactions will change.  Everything in this world happens for a reason.  Perhaps the Universe is trying to tell me to take a break, slow down and rest.  I have learned that I can start my day over any time I need to and I feel better already. 

So here is my article for today and the best thing of all is I am grateful and still sober.   

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance 

appears.”   Anthony Robbins

To Thine Own Self Be True

“The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval.” - Denis Waitley

We all come to a time where we start to question our life purpose.  In most instances, we realise that we need to make some changes for the better. I believe this starts with honesty and letting go of our past illusions. To become aware of what is true we need to become aware of what is false as well.  Living authentically is challenged by the dual nature of our existence.

The False Self

Most forms of stress, procrastination, anxiety, fear, indecision and denial can be traced to the false self.  It is not something we are born with but rather things that we have learned through what society and family expects from us.  No one likes to feel unworthy of love or acceptance and this can influence us to believe that we are something that we really are not.  Our thoughts and behaviour change to better other peoples’ opinions of us.

The Real Self

The real or authentic self is who we really are. It is us minus the values, desires and beliefs acquired from external threats or accusations.  It isn't something we need to create. We were born with it. We will die with it.  In a world full of change and uncertainty, it's one of the few things we can truly rely on.

To be yourself is to become yourself          

Change from the false to the real self can be challenging. We need to search our own experiences and explore our own minds and change the thought patterns that are keeping us trapped in a false self and the false world that comes with it.  Instead of settling for a narrow picture of reality, we want to know the whole of it and align with truth instead.

As William Shakespeare quoted from Hamlet:

"This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow - as the night the day - thou canst not be false to any man."

This little poem I picked up in my readings and ramblings explains it simply:

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may get what you want down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow 1895-1954

HALT

 “Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines”

- Robert Schuller

In recovery, we have a few slogans which mean certain things.  I have not been well for the last few days, so I thought this one would be fitting.  HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely and tired – a few instances to look out for because they could lead to negative emotions and maybe even relapse.

Hungry

In our drinking days, we alcoholics had the tendency to skip meals or not eat at all.  When we start recovery, it is suggested that we try and eat whenever we feel hungry, preferably something sweet as the body starts to crave the sugar that is missing from alcoholic drinks.  Speaking for myself, I have gone from an alcoholic to a chocoholic! 

We also find that our bodies tend to be undernourished from ongoing alcohol intake.  Any good food in the stomach will make us feel better physically. If we are diagnosed with depression or anxiety, we should always eat something first before taking our medication.  Vitamin supplements are suggested to help build up vitality but plenty of water, fruit and vegetables are also necessary.

Angry

I know that I bottled up anger inside over the years.  Some people are able to express their anger physically which is not good either.  Resentments are known to be the main cause of relapse in alcoholics.  These issues are examined in the fourth step of the program in detail.  Once we know where we have gone wrong in the past and we learn our character defects, we have the tools to make amends for past hurts and deal with anger and resentments on a daily basis.

If someone says something to us that makes us feel resentful, we must remember that the other person’s behavior or opinion is theirs.  We do not have to react in the same way but rather show forgiveness to that person.  In forgiving others, we learn to cope with our own feelings and in turn love ourselves a little more.  I do not believe in an eye for an eye, but rather turn the other cheek!

Lonely

I have always felt that I am different – that I don’t really fit.  When I drank with others it changed that perception.  I felt part of the scene and thought I had many friends. But when the party was over and I sobered up, I felt even lonelier than ever.  When you stop drinking, you find out very fast who your friends really are.  They are very few and far between.

Most people who join a recovery program go to face to face meetings.  It is easier to relate to others who know where you have been and how you feel.  It is also suggested to choose a sponsor when you start the steps.  So there is always opportunity to talk to others, give and receive hugs and feel a great sense of belonging.  There is strength in numbers

I do my meetings online as there is not much opportunity here for face to face meetings.  I have met many wonderful people from all over the world but in reality they are just names without a face.  I still have the opportunity of signing onto the internet and chatting to someone when need be.  I do feel a sense of being part of a group and have made a couple of very close online friends.  Fortunately I keep myself busy and I am learning to like my own company.  If loneliness creeps in, I write or read or do something constructive.  The time will come when I feel more secure in socializing normally but for now it's just me, myself and I.  I am content with that.

Tired

Insomnia is common when starting recovery.  At first it worried me and I would lie in bed tossing and turning and counting sheep all night.  I have learned that it is better to get up and do something useful rather than get agitated. This is normally when I love to write.  Eventually the body will tell you it is tired and you will sleep well for a good number of hours.  I am in a fortunate position of not having a steady job.  So my hours are my own.  I have also started listening to webinars in the States which are in the early hours of the morning so my sleeping schedule is very disruptive.

When you are tired, that is when you normally feel grumpy and self-pity starts creeping back in.  There is no need to panic and I certainly do not suggest getting sleeping tablets.  I had a bad experience with those in the past.  Rather let nature take its course and you will be back to sleeping regularly after a while – speaking for others of course!

In conclusion, even with life’s little hurdles, one day sober is worth the sum of all my last days drinking.  As Albert Einstein quoted:

“Insanity is:

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”  

Do Not Feed the Crocodiles

“The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of

the mind” - William Blake

While I was doing the steps in early recovery, my online sponsor used to set homework assignments which usually were summaries of the pages we were covering in the Big Book.  One day she asked me to read up and summarize the differences between crocodiles and alligators.  I also had to go out and buy a white board with a marker pen.

Rather bewildered, I set about searching the internet for the information.  I found out where they normally lurk, what they eat, how long they were, the size of their jaws, how many teeth they had and a whole load of rather informative information.  I summarized it and put it into a word document and emailed it to her.  Then, even more puzzled, I went off and found the cheapest white board together with pen and eraser in a kiddies shop.

The next day she asked me what I had learned.  I said “They are really dangerous – I wouldn’t want to come face to face with one of those!”  She then instructed me to write this on my board in large letters and keep it wherever I spend most of my time:

DO NOT FEED THE CROCODILES

It suddenly dawned on me what this was all about.  The crocodiles were a symbol of negative thinking which for an alcoholic, is a very dangerous place to be.  Should I find myself in a situation that provokes anger or resentment, I must sort it out immediately.  Should feelings of inadequacy or self-pity arise, I must pull myself together and think positively.  I must say that that little board travelled around with me for a few days and eventually ended up on the wall above my computer.

God works in mysterious ways.  About a month later, I was invited to go on holiday with my brother and his wife.  We were going to be joined by other people I didn’t really know.  It was a fishing trip and due to the drought that year, I knew that the lake would not have much water in it and I was worried about the others drinking the holiday away.  After many excuses and much consideration, I made up my mind I would go.  Armed with my Big Book, my laptop with my speaker tapes on it and my crocodile board, I put those negative feelings aside and off we went.

The second day, we decided to take the boat down to the lake.  Just as I had thought, it was not worth trying to launch the boat, so we set down a blanket and opened up the packed lunch we had bought with.  Low and behold, right next to where we were sitting was a sign that said:

So I took a picture.  The little white board had now been replaced with it and is still a screen saver on my laptop and a printed version sits above my work desk.  The holiday was an awesome break and there was not much drinking except in the evenings which did not worry me one little bit!

Life does get us down at times and we can also start thinking the worst of things that can happen.  We also get hurt and we can sit and feel sorry for ourselves or we can accept it as positive input and move on.  Anything that happens in our world is for a reason.  If we keep feeding our minds with negative thoughts, we will only attract negative people and negative things.  Every stumbling block we come across is an opportunity for change for the better.  We just need to learn to reprogram our thought process.  Using affirmations helps us to do this. Together with the serenity prayer which I use all the time is this one:

God, Higher Power, Creator of the Universe

Please direct my thoughts, words, actions and emotions this day.

Please put the people places & things in my path that you see relevant

And allow me to see the relevance, the love and the lesson!

Fear as a Friend

“To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves...We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here--with its gift of energy and heightened awareness--so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation”.  Peter McWilliams, Life 101 (1995)

In my last months of chronic alcoholism, fear consumed my mind and ruled my world.  I was fearful of people, leaving the house, driving, shopping and most of all waking up in the morning to begin another day riddled with shaking and sickness.  Alcohol was my fix – it washed away all those fears and allowed me another 24 hours of relief until the next day arrived.  My daily planning was revolved around swigging down the bottles I had hidden from those I loved and making sure they were replaced before the next cycle of fear and intoxication started again. 

After detox, I was still left with the fear of not being able to cope.  How was I going to pick up the pieces of a life ruined by disease?  AA saved me from another relapse into hell.  I heard people talk about their disease and I knew that I was not alone and could relate to what others had been through.  The steps showed me there was hope – a light at the end of a dark tunnel.  With honesty, an open mind and pure willingness I did what my sponsor suggested and somewhere along the way the fear and craving for a drink was lifted.  Nothing so much insures my inability to remain peaceful, serene and sane than fear without courage or hope.  

I have healthy fears now – the most important one being that there is a chance of me picking up that first drink but I now have the tools to ensure that should not happen.  I have choices now to accept the things I cannot change or change the things I can.  It begins with changing me and loving and accepting me for who I am.  Life is not easy in sobriety but prayer, meditation and giving back to others keeps the mind, body and soul in harmony.

Nelson Mandela quoted “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”.

I came across an article written by Stephen Edwards called “Viewing fear as a friend” and adapted it into my own words pertaining to recovery which I would like to share:

FEAR

False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear is not the enemy, we are.

Fear is a powerful source that is simply providing us with an opportunity

to see something that we need to resolve within ourselves

in order to explore more of our potential.

Fear is an illusion.

It is something we create within us,

through our thoughts and emotions,

about something that has happened in our past

or something that may happen in the future.

Unfortunately, when people need to face their fears,

they Forget Everything And Run.

They lose their uncertainty of who they really are.

They lose self-confidence and the unlimited potential that lies within them.

The purpose of fear is not to make us feel inadequate

but to show us that we are powerful beyond measure.

When we are honest about our fears,

clear about our intentions,

prepared to act with COURAGE,

we are often taken over by a power far greater than ourselves

that seems to intercede on our behalf, a HIGHER POWER.

When people use fear to connect with that higher power,

they produce extraordinary results.