Lance Armstrong : The Truth Shall Set You Free

"I don't like that guy. That is a guy who felt he was invincible, was told he was invincible, truly believed he was invincible. That's who that guy was. That guy is still there. I'm not going to lie to you or to the public and say, Oh, I'm in therapy. I feel better. He's still there."

Lance Armstrong on old tapes of him under oath refuting the doping charges

I was so hopeful that the truth behind the allegations against Lance Armstrong would be justified but as I watched Lance Armstong’s admission of guilt on the Oprah show, I have to admit that I was disappointed. I do still feel an amount of compassion for the man who was a hero in many of our lives.  Surviving cancer against all odds and the ability to return to cycling, his passion in life, should have been enough.  But instead he was caught up in a game of drug abuse, the only way he knew how to win the Tour de France.  Getting away with it once became an obsession to continue his lies and cheating – what I call an addiction to power and glory.  But what I think is not important and the abusive accusations of others are not important here.  What is important is why he let his ego get the better of him, resulting in the hurt to family, friends and the world at large.  I decided to look up a couple of psychological evaluations to find some answers.

Cognitive Dissonance

If you've ever told a lie and felt uncomfortable because you see yourself as scrupulously honest, then you've experienced cognitive dissonance. It occurs whenever your view of yourself clashes with your performance in any area—you see yourself as smart but can't believe you made such dumb stock investments. Exactly how we choose to resolve the dissonance, and its discomfort, is a good reflection of our mental health.

I quote from an article in Psychology Today called “Cognitive Dissonance Group Opinion and the Fall of Lance Armstrong: How to cope with a fallen hero”:

“Lance Armstrong generates dissonance. The man who became famous for never giving up is giving up. He is a winner and a loser.  Yesterday he was quoted as saying "I refuse to participate in a process that is so one-sided and unfair." With his unimaginatively weak statement the man who almost single-handedly galvanized attention interest and fascination on the Tour De France and raising consciousness and money and funds for cancer has admitted to being another sports hero impostor. If there would have been truth behind his innocence Lance Armstrong would have fought this, and he did his own cancer, until he was victorious.  But this giving up is as clear an admission of wrongdoing as can be, and also stops the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency from testifying about anything else they might know about him, including10 former teammates ready to testify against him.  Lance Armstrong is a survivor and a liar; an incredibly strong man, and an incredibly weak man; a source of inspiration, and a source of disgrace and embarrassment; a hero and a villain. In short he has become the modern day exemplar of cognitive dissonance.

The theory of cognitive dissonance would predict that people would strive for dissonance reduction by using these three strategies.  In other words groups will form as people use one of three dissonance reduction strategies. They might sound something like this:

1. “He shouldn’t have to keep defending himself against these charges.  He was right to give up.”

2. “It doesn’t matter that they stripped him of his titles because he has already done so much good in the world.”

3. “We don’t need false heroes to raise money for cancer treatment, there are plenty of other good people to do that.”

But these biases nudge us away from reality.  The truth now is that Lance Armstrong is both good and bad; inspiring and despicable; a legend and fake. My hope is that another group forms based on allowing two truths to remain intact.  The struggle is in trying not to make this dissonance even out, take it away, or stop it.  Instead the work is to try and leave the truth as it is: Lance Armstrong is profoundly human.”

The Halo Effect

I quote from another article in Psychology Today called “Zero Worship: Did Surviving Cancer Make Armstrong a Hero”:

“It might be hard to remember after this week’s Oprah interview, but before Armstrong was driven from professional cycling and the Livestrong Foundation he founded, he was a hero to millions.  Although many people weren’t all that surprised that he doped and lied, many others were and have responded with intense anger and sadness. The blogosphere, social media sites, and airwaves are filled with angry condemnations of Armstrong. One tweet reads, “Lance Armstrong. pathetic. liar, bully, sad role model for bike race enthusiasts.”

Clearly there’s some truth to that statement. Armstrong doped. Armstrong lied. And he made untold millions doing it. Our opinion is that there should be consequences for his wrongdoings. But lots of people behave in equally unethical ways, and we don’t find ourselves getting nearly as upset about it.  What was it about Armstrong?  Why were we so willing to put him up on a pedestal?  Why did he have so far to fall before hitting earth?

A good part of the answer may be his status as a cancer survivor. Armstrong’s story is nothing short of amazing: In 1996, after years of professional cycling, he was diagnosed with a testicular cancer that had already spread to his lungs and brain. The prognosis looked bad. But, after surgery (including an operation on his brain) and extensive chemotherapy, he recovered, rejoined the world of professional cycling in 1998, and won the Tour de France many times over.

When survivors experience amazing recoveries, we are often quick to label them “inspirations." And not just in an “it’s-amazing-you-survived” kind of way. Many of us are quick to assume they’re amazing and inspirational in other ways, as well.  In short, we assume they must also be good people. Psychologists have a term for this—the halo effect.

The halo effect is a kind of cognitive bias in which our evaluation of someone’s character is unduly influenced by our overall impression of him or her.  Because someone’s survival story is inspirational, we jump to the unwarranted conclusion that he or she, as a person, must also be inspirational in other ways, even those not connected to his or her ordeal. So we tend to accord survivors role model status more broadly, even though we may have no real evidence they deserve it.

We seem to do the same for survivors. Because someone’s survival story is inspirational, we jump to the unwarranted conclusion that he or she, as a person, must also be inspirational in other ways, even those not connected to his or her ordeal. So we tend to accord survivors role model status more broadly, even though we may have no real evidence they deserve it. It’s important to note that this often is not an enjoyable experience for many survivors. Quite the contrary, it can place terrible pressure on them at precisely the time they may be trying to return to life as usual.”

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several types of personality disorders. Personality disorders are conditions in which people have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, limiting their ability to function in relationships and in other areas of their life, such as work or school.

I quote from an article in Dark Psychology called “A brief snapshot of a highly successful athlete admitting steroid usage”:

“Given the recent national news of Lance Armstrong disclosing he has previously used anabolic steroids, the nation seems to be split in accusing him of being a pathological liar and narcissist or an athlete who made a mistake and should be forgiven being a cancer survivor. What has been frequently discussed, by those following his story, is his multitude of television and media appearances over the years where he convincingly and calmly stated he had never used anabolic steroids. For those who look at Mr. Armstrong as a hypocrite & pathetic liar, his calm demeanor during his past press conferences are the examples they use to illustrate he is a nefarious character. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has been defined as a chronic pattern of grandiosity, a lack of empathy and an obsessive need for recognition. People with NPD perceive they are extremely important to everyone within their social spheres. People with NPD are often described as being pretentious, cocky, arrogant, patronizing, disdainful and pompous. In laypeople terms, someone with this disorder may be described simply as a “narcissist” or as someone with “narcissism.” Both of these terms generally refer to someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Based on the severity of NPD, the dysfunction to the sufferer’s life and associates can range from minimal negative impact to devastating and highly destructive.

Not having evaluated Lance Armstrong and knowing very little about his childhood, family dynamics, past self-destructive behaviors, past harmful behaviors towards others, this writer does not have an opinion. Not having any demographic or psychological information to formulate a diagnostic impression, this writer can only conclude, by observing his deceptive talents, that he has practiced the art of deception for many years to be as talented as he presents on media.”

The future? 

Whatever the prognosis, has Lance Armstong hit rock bottom yet?  I am sure there is more to come with pending court cases and harsh public abuse.  The only way he can bring justice to himself and the world is to change his attitude and make his amends.  He has made the first step of acceptance by admitting his guilt but he has a long road ahead of truth and reconciliation. As his ex-wife Kristen said: “The truth shall set you free”.

Did you watch the interview and what are your thoughts on his admission of guilt?

“Armstrong's fall from grace is so huge. It means a lot that he has finally come clean. But he also needs to realize his life is not just about a bike, races or a big mistake. Everybody has the ability within them to rise again. What really matters in the world is what kind of human being he chooses to be."

Oprah Winfrey

When Amends Are Not Enough

“Without forgiveness life is governed by... an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation”

Roberto Assagioli

  

Perhaps the hardest part of the 12 step process of recovery is making amends to those you have hurt.  When I examined my past and came up with a list of resentments and fears that were holding me back in my recovery, I examined each area where I had been either selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and inconsiderate and without intention I had caused others to feel

angry or unloved:

·         I had played the victim and blamed others for my actions

·         I had loved too deeply and been resentfully disappointed

·         I had lied and been deceitful to cover up my addictive behaviour

·         I had pushed loved ones aside when it suited my addictive habits

And so we make our amends to the best of our ability and promise to try our best on our road to recovery.  But with so many unbroken promises from the past, we have to accept that only time and a living amends may heal the past. I still get things thrown in my face which hurt but I have to accept and forgive, because I have no idea how much hurt I have done to my kids, my family and my friends and others  I still hear:

·         You are useless and a nobody

·         You will never get a job or be successful

·         Past mistakes and misfortunes

·         Resentments and disappointments

So we hold our head up high and take each day by day and show tolerance, unconditional love and forgiveness.  We do it, not just forgiveness of others, but to forgive ourselves, to heal, to put the past behind us and move on.

I would like to share a poem by Veronica A. Shoffstall – truly awesome:

“After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't always promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of a woman,

not the grief of a child.

And you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way

of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns if you get too much

So you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting

for someone to bring you flowers

And you learn

that you really can endure,

that you really are strong

and you really do have worth

and you learn and you learn

With every good-bye you learn”

“In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love? How deeply did you learn to let go?”

The Buddha

Happy New Year 2013

“Another fresh new year is here . . .

Another year to live!

To banish worry, doubt, and fear,

To love and laugh and give!

This bright new year is given me

To live each day with zest . . .

To daily grow and try to be

My highest and my best!

I have the opportunity

Once more to right some wrongs,

To pray for peace, to plant a tree,

And sing more joyful songs!”

William Arthur Ward

It has just turned 12 midnight on the 31^st December 2012 so by the time I post this it will be 2013.

When I look back on 2012, it was not an easy year – but with every challenge comes opportunity. 

Career challenges:

·         Wound down my accounting practice in the hopes of getting a full time job.

·         Started my blog.

·         Completed two blog challenges.

·         Signed up for every webinar I could on internet marketing.

Lessons learned:

·         I am too old to be employed!

·         I can write.

·         Blogging is a great way to make new friends and acquaintances.

·         Information overload just leads to confusion!

Personal challenges:

·         Daily work on my recovery.

·         Improving my spiritual awareness.

·         Letting go of limiting beliefs.

·         Living life on life’s terms.

Lessons learned:

·         Helping others makes it easier to help myself.

·         Follow motivating and spiritually minded people.

·         Make peace with the past and live for the moment.

·         Acceptance, forgiveness and unconditional love.

So what is in store for 2013?

I do not believe in New Years’ Resolutions - life is too short to live with regrets.

I do not believe in long term goals – I live life one day at a time.

But I do believe in dreams and inspiring yourself to do your best in all circumstances.

This is a must see:

Carnegie Mellon Professor Randy Pausch (Oct. 23, 1960 - July 25, 2008) gave his last lecture at the university Sept. 18, 2007, before a packed McConomy Auditorium.  In his moving presentation, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

Pausch was included in TIME Magazine's 2008 list of the world's 100 most influential people. His book, "The Last Lecture," co-written by Jeff Zaslow of the Wall Street Journal and based on Pausch's now-famous talk "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," is a New York Times #1 bestseller.

Professor Randy Pausch made a surprise return to Carnegie Mellon University to deliver an inspirational speech to the Class of 2008 at the Commencement ceremony on May 18, 2008.

“Many things are thrown our way in this game of life. It's how you deal with them that shows your true character. I want all of you to feel the hope, love & passion I feel for the upcoming year & the rest of my life. I want ALL of you to not only go for your dreams, but have a damn ass good time doing it!

May Water

Criticism - positive or negative?

Run your fingers through my soul.

For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel,

believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive,

look, experience, examine, and for once;

just once, understand.

Those words may seem controversial to you.  We all have our own problems so why should we take the time to care about others?  That is all and well but is negative criticism of others necessary if you haven’t taken the time to understand?  I have learned that before I can judge another, I need to walk a mile in their shoes.

I read a blog post the other day where the writer was slandering a woman, who has an alcohol problem, for drinking and driving with teenagers in the car.  It started me thinking on how many times I had to take my own children to functions or school and the only way I could get out of the house and do this was to have a drink to calm the tremors.  I was fortunate, by the Grace of God, that nothing terrible happened and I never got a dui either.  When I look back on those terrifying years, it was the only way I could cope with a disease that had consumed my mind, body and soul. 

Yes, alcoholism has been medically classified as a disease.  Like Aids, people tend to shy away from alcoholics and deem them to be the dregs of the earth, the unsavoury.  When we take the example of drinking and driving – I agree that it is totally irresponsible – but there are normal people that drink too much at a party and get behind the wheel of a car.  What about those who are driving while texting on their cell phones or the mental health sufferers who are under the influence of large doses of Valium or other heavy drugs? 

An alcoholic has to choose recovery on their own desperate terms.  In the long term, forceful rehabilitation actions will not help them but there are a couple of things you can do to make yourself a little less resentful: 

1.  Drinking and driving – tell your children and their friends not to get into any car where you suspect the person has been drinking - drive them yourself.

2.  Resentments – show a little more tolerance for the person involved by encouraging them not to drive with others or at all when under the influence.

3.  Presence – it is your responsibility, if you care enough, to take the car keys away from someone under the influence – friends do not let friends drink and drive.

4.  Concern – if you are sincerely worried about whether a person is an alcoholic, tell them your concerns and let their friends and family know.

5.  Educate – read and learn about alcoholism – you might change your perspective.

6.  Practice what you preach – don’t drink under the influence of any mind altering substances either.

7.  Judge not, less you be judged. 

You know the saying – when a dog is down, kick it.  Well I have known how it feels to be there.  Alcoholics are generally beautiful people with emotional defects that have risen out of their pasts.  Don’t pick on the hopeless.  This world is in a mess with war, economic instability, hunger and poverty which has all been influenced by the greatest addictions of all:  Power, Greed and Corruption. 

I am sure you all have some thoughts of your own on this subject, so please voice your opinions.  We need to strive to make the world a better place for all.

“To love means loving the unlovable.

To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable.

Faith means believing the unbelievable.

Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”

G. K. Chesterton

To Thine Own Self Be True

“The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval.” - Denis Waitley

We all come to a time where we start to question our life purpose.  In most instances, we realise that we need to make some changes for the better. I believe this starts with honesty and letting go of our past illusions. To become aware of what is true we need to become aware of what is false as well.  Living authentically is challenged by the dual nature of our existence.

The False Self

Most forms of stress, procrastination, anxiety, fear, indecision and denial can be traced to the false self.  It is not something we are born with but rather things that we have learned through what society and family expects from us.  No one likes to feel unworthy of love or acceptance and this can influence us to believe that we are something that we really are not.  Our thoughts and behaviour change to better other peoples’ opinions of us.

The Real Self

The real or authentic self is who we really are. It is us minus the values, desires and beliefs acquired from external threats or accusations.  It isn't something we need to create. We were born with it. We will die with it.  In a world full of change and uncertainty, it's one of the few things we can truly rely on.

To be yourself is to become yourself          

Change from the false to the real self can be challenging. We need to search our own experiences and explore our own minds and change the thought patterns that are keeping us trapped in a false self and the false world that comes with it.  Instead of settling for a narrow picture of reality, we want to know the whole of it and align with truth instead.

As William Shakespeare quoted from Hamlet:

"This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow - as the night the day - thou canst not be false to any man."

This little poem I picked up in my readings and ramblings explains it simply:

The Guy in the Glass

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum,
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may get what you want down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

Dale Wimbrow 1895-1954

The Principles of the 12 Steps

From the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

Step 1.   We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.           

Step 2.   Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 3.   Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Step 4.   Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Step 5.   Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 6.   Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 7.   Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Step 8.   Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9.   Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Step 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Step 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(Reprinted from The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 59 with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.)

The steps in the AA program, which are also used in Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and other recovery programs, are a process of healing and spiritual growth.  Step1 is the only non- spiritual step where we surrender to powerlessness and unmanageability in our lives.  Step 2 and 3 introduces the higher power where we make a decision that we are willing to believe.  Insanity is the doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome although experience shows us that this will never happen.  Step 4 is where we take an inventory of our pasts and analyse our resentments, fears and harms done to others.  This step highlights the areas where we have been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and inconsiderate.  Steps 5 to 9 are the action steps to seek forgiveness of our past actions due to our character defects and make amends to others.  Finally, steps 10 and 11 are the maintenance steps, where we continue the program on a daily basis. Step 12 is taking what we have learned so freely and paying it forward by helping other fellow addicts. 

The steps are in a certain order for a reason. They are a design for living.  If followed correctly we should overcome our obsession of our disease through honesty, open mindedness and willingness.  Love and tolerance is our code.  Unconditional love and tolerance of others are essential to live a life free of resentments and conflict.

Believing is the beginning of each thing that we accomplish in our lives.  To be successful, believing must become strong enough to incite a decision, which is a choice of action.  Once this decision is made, it has to become strong enough to incite action.  Once the action becomes strong enough, it will bring about results.  Once the results are plain and clear, we will have faith.  Faith is true knowledge that comes as the result of action. The 12 steps are based on this plan.  These are the principles by which humankind has succeeded of failed.  So what are the principles?

Principles of the 12 Steps:

1.   Surrender.                                                                    
2.   Hope.
3.   Commitment.
4.   Honesty.
5.   Truth.
6.   Willingness.
7.   Humility.
8.   Reflection.
9.   Amendment.
10. Vigilance.
11. Attunement.
12. Service.

Faith is knowledge that comes as a result of a complete process. Many people fail because they are expecting true knowledge by faith before they make a decision to take action and get results.  We cannot begin with faith.  We can only believe in the beginning.  But this is all we need to get started.