What Is Love?

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfil my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself.”

Thomas Mertin

The media, our families and our friends tell us that our goal is to be somebody. It’s the American Dream. Many of us have chosen a particular career, relationship status or some sort of accomplishment that assure a future of being that somebody, getting somewhere and hopefully being spared from debt, despair, or vulnerability in the process.  There is nothing wrong with having goals or plans but when we use these to overestimate our potential than we let ourselves down and become disappointed.

I have spent over half of my life trying to be the best wife and the best friend only to get rejection, obtaining a university degree and working my butt off in demanding jobs only to be taken for granted,  and after all of this ending up suicidal on a therapist’s couch and escaping into the dark abyss of addiction.  Perhaps this was the best thing that happened because in reaching the bottom and realizing my options, my spiritual journey began.

I have redefined the goal of getting somewhere and being somebody to loving who I already am. Healing comes from within.  I have accepted pain as lovingly and with as much compassion as I would success.  I have and continue to forgive my mistakes and my resentments and overcome my fears. They are the very things that propel me forward into gratitude and self-love – and in turn, love for you.

Place your hand over your heart. Feel that? That’s called purpose. You’re alive for a reason. No matter what your circumstances are, embrace each day. Find one thing you are grateful for in this moment right now. Remember that any struggle is just as important as the lesson and awareness it provides. In the midst of movement and chaos, find serenity within. Love yourself because without you, perfectly imperfect you, the rest of us are without a source or many wonderful things.

I posted this Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin previously, but it is fitting to repeat it here:

AS I BEGIN TO LOVE MYSELF

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.

Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me.

Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.

Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.

Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.

Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.

Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time.

Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening.

Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.

Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.

Today I know THAT IS “LIFE !

And here is an awesome video about love from the movie "The Cure Is":

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn't healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits - anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”

Kim McMillen